Saint Augustine's conversion: "Why not this very hour make an end to my uncleanness?"

Augustine of Hippo (354 - 430), a brilliant student and professor of rhetoric, knew a thing or two about Christianity: his mother, Saint Monica, brought him up in the faith. However his intellectual pursuits and hedonistic lifestyle led him away from the faith for many years and his passion for philosophy led him to adopt other beliefs. He was not happy, and deep down he knew that true wisdom lay elsewhere. One day, he was given a sign from God: he must open a Bible! When he read a few lines at random, his soul was filled with the presence of God. He became a Christian, a priest and bishop, and one of the Fathers of the Western Church.

Saint Augustine by Philippe de Champaigne, ca. 1645, Los Angeles Museum of Art / © CC0/wikimedia

Reasons to believe:

Saint Augustine is one of the greatest minds of all time and one of the most prolific Latin authors in terms of surviving works. The list of his works consists of more than one hundred separate titles. This huge legacy is universally recognized and still studied today, in the fields of literature, philosophy (notably the Confessions) and theology.

Several times in the course of his life before his conversion, Augustine believed that he had found the truth or the right belief system (Manichaeism, astrology, skepticism). Unlike his previous beliefs, his conversion to Christianity was not just a passing fad: he remained faithful to the Christian faith and doctrine until his death.

In a way, Augustine resembles many of us who live in Western and formerly Christian countries: he thought he knew Christianity because he had been catechized as a child, when in fact he had only a superficial knowledge of it. He had to rediscover it as an adult to fully grasp its meaning and solid truth.

Saint Augustine's faith was not motivated by political or social concerns, but rather it enabled him to live through great changes: when he converted in 386, Christianity was flourishing in the Roman Empire, but by the end of his life (430), Rome had already been sacked by the Visigoths in 410 AD and the Western Roman Empire had begun to disintegrate.

Summary:

For the man who was to become one of the greatest Christian theologians in history, faith was not at all a matter of course. The son of a pagan father and a Christian mother, born in 354 in Thagaste, today's Algeria, Augustine was a gifted student, but took a turn toward undiscipline, pleasures and popularity, abandoning the spiritual and moral life of his childhood. He loved the theatre and with his group of friends, boasted of his sexual exploits. Through his mother, Saint Monica, he was already familiar with the Christian religion, but he judged it with a certain contempt: compared with the great philosophical schools that were fashionable at the time, the Bible seemed to him mediocre, like a succession of poorly written stories of little interest, or "children's fables".

In 373, at the age of nineteen, Augustine decided to study philosophy after reading the Hortensius or On Philosophy, a lost dialogue by the Latin author Cicero, and zealously embarked on the quest for wisdom and truth. He believed he had found it in Manichaeism (an Eastern doctrine that claimed to explain the origin of evil), which he adhered to for around ten years. At the same time, he settled down with his long-time mistress, who gave him a son. One might have thought that the young man had found what he was looking for, but deep down, Augustine was not satisfied: his intelligence still yearned for a more certain truth, and his heart for a deeper love.

Having left North Africa for Italy (Rome, then Milan), Augustine underwent a double crisis, both of an intellectual and emotional level: he became disappointed in Manichaeanism, and embraced skepticism; in addition, he also agreed to leave his mistress of 15 years to prepare for an honorable marriage. This separation left him depressed. Augustine had turned away from the errors of the world unwittingly but without having found a new direction.

In Milan, where he was teaching rhetoric (a highly visible and enviable position in the scholarly world of the time) he came in contact with the bishop Saint Ambrose, also a master of rhetoric, but older than him. A friendship developed, and Augustine came to discover that the Christian faith was much more intelligent and credible than he had previously imagined. The testimony of joyful and fulfilled Christians attracted him too. He thought about converting then, but the moral demands of Christianity seemed impossible to follow.

One day in August 386, as he was talking about all this with one of his friends, the heartbreak, void and disgust he felt inside made him weep uncontrollably. This is how he described this profound crisis: "Now when deep reflection had drawn up out of the secret depths of my soul all my misery and had heaped it up before the sight of my heart, there arose a mighty storm, accompanied by a mighty rain of tears. That I might give way fully to my tears and lamentations, I stole away from Alypius. [...] I flung myself down under a fig tree--how I know not--and gave free course to my tears. The streams of my eyes gushed out an acceptable sacrifice to thee. And, not indeed in these words, but to this effect, I cried to thee: “And thou, O Lord, how long? How long, O Lord? Wilt thou be angry forever? Oh, remember not against us our former iniquities.” For I felt that I was still enthralled by them. I sent up these sorrowful cries: “How long, how long? Tomorrow and tomorrow? Why not now? Why not this very hour make an end to my uncleanness?” (Confessions, Book VIII, 12).

Immediately, in the garden next door, he heard the voice of a child singing and repeating a sort of nursery rhyme: "Pick it up! Read it! Pick it up! read it!" Augustine was surprised: he had never heard this particular children's song, so he interpreted it as a sign from God for him: "I could not remember ever having heard the like. So, damming the torrent of my tears, I got to my feet, for I could not but think that this was a divine command to open the Bible and read the first passage I should light upon." This is what he did: he opened the Bible at random, and read this verse from the Epistle to the Romans (Rom 13 :13-14): "Let us conduct ourselves properly as in the day, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in promiscuity and licentiousness, not in rivalry and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the desires of the flesh." As he read these words, Augustine felt an ocean of light and gentleness invade his heart: this was God's answer, telling him that he would succeed, that he would manage to change his way of life, and that he should not be afraid of becoming a Christian. And that's what he did: Augustine became a Christian, then a priest, then a bishop, and even today he is considered one of the greatest Christian thinkers of all time.

Tristan Rivière

Beyond reasons to believe:

Augustine's mother, Saint Monica, had prayed hard and long for her son's conversion. The story of her persistent and anguished prayer is itself a beautiful reason to believe, which we will examine later.

Going further:

The Confessions of Saint Augustine, which recount his youth and conversion, are available in many editions.

More information:

Augustine of Hippo: A Biography by Peter Brown, originally published in 1967 and updated in 2000; University of California Press; First Edition, Forty-Fifth Anniversary (November 5, 2013)
Benedict XVI General Audiences dedicated to Saint Augustine of Hippo (2008): first one, second one, third one, fourth one,fifth one.
The Complete Works of St. Augustine
The first full-length feature movie on Augustine, filmed in Europe, Restless Heart (2010); distributed in the US as: Augustine: The Decline of the Roman Empire